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The Grief No One Names: IPV and the Mother-Child Bond

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THE GRIEF BETWEEN A MOTHER AND HER CHILD When we talk about intimate partner violence, we talk about the survivor and the abuser. We rarely talk about what happens between a mother and her child — and the grief that can remain long after the violence has ended. Our guest is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Certified Associate Counselor–Alcohol and Drug (CAC-AD), Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and Certified Grief-Informed Professional. As a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Healthy Connections Counseling, LLC, she brings deep clinical experience in trauma, grief and loss, intimate partner violence, attachment, and complex relationship dynamics. Her particular focus is on the forms of grief that extend beyond death — the loss of safety, identity, connection, and the relationships we once knew or imagined. In this conversation, she examines IPV as a family-system injury: how abuse can begin altering the mother-child relationship long before the partnership ends, affecting attachment, emotional availability, parenting, trust, and the way a child comes to see their mother. Together we explore the secondary and layered griefs that so often go unnamed — anticipatory, disenfranchised, acute, profound, prolonged — along with deferred dreams, broken relationships, and estrangement. And we sit with a difficult truth: that even after the abuse ends, the bond may remain deeply changed, and sometimes may never be fully repaired. This is a conversation for survivors, clinicians, and anyone grieving the relationship they had — or the one they hoped for. Support (U.S.): The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 — call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.

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