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Have I Damaged My Children by Getting Divorced?

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About Have I Damaged My Children by Getting Divorced?

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Have I damaged my children by getting divorced? It’s a question many parents worry about, often while trying to cope with the end of the relationship themselves. In this video, I look at what children can end up carrying when their parents separate — watching our faces, worrying about our feelings, deciding what they can safely talk about in each home, or feeling caught between two people they love. We can’t give our children a perfectly painless divorce, and we won’t get every moment right. But children don’t need a performance of perfection from us. They can also learn something important when adults recognise a mistake and repair it: “I’m sorry. That was an adult feeling and I shouldn’t have put it onto you.” I talk about giving children permission to enjoy their relationship with both parents where it is safe to do so, keeping adult feelings with the adults, and remembering that when a relationship ends, a family doesn’t necessarily disappear — it changes shape. There is an important exception: where there are genuine concerns about abuse, neglect or a child’s safety, supporting a relationship with another parent should never mean ignoring those concerns. This is also something that mattered enormously to me when writing When We Becomes Me: A Psychotherapist’s Guide to the Beginning, the Messy Middle, and the Other Side of Divorce. Our children don’t need to make us feel better about the other parent. They don’t need to bring back information or decide who was right. They need room to be the child. Making the invisible visible. #ChildrenAndDivorce #parentingafterdivorce #divorce #coparenting #separatedparents #divorcesupport #childpsychology #parenting #WhenWeBecomesMe #MakingTheInvisibleVisible

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